Winter and Spring

There are times when we just want the cold, harsh Winter to end and the warm, blissful Spring to get here early. I'm in a stage in my day to day life right now where getting up in the morning is difficult. I don't feel like going to work. I don't feel like grocery shopping. Household chores are more difficult than they have ever been, and spending time and energy on important relationships in my life feels just as difficult as chores. I find myself avoiding things that I usually love to do. All I want to do is sit on the couch and binge watch awful shows. All I want out of life is to feel more like my usual self. I find myself in the midst of Winter, longing for Spring.

I've been pondering the concept of the seasons a lot. Here in the US, we don't like discomfort. Don't like the cold? Have a heater. Don't like the hot? An air conditioner is a must. Do you have pain? Here's a prescription. Don't know how to deal with the death of a loved one? Put on a smile and pretend you're fine. We ask each other all the time "How's a goin'?", but when the answer given is genuine, we don't know how to respond. The truth is, we don't deal well with Winter in our culture. If things start to get dark in our lives, we do all we possibly can to try to force our way into Spring. Spring is where we don't have to learn to cope with being cold, sad or lonely. We try our best to force warmth back into our lives, and sometimes it works.

Do you remember what happens when Spring comes in the middle of Winter? The blossoms start to bloom. The smell of apple and peach blossoms are pungent. The tulips start to shoot little green stubs out of the ground, and tiny bright green leaves start to sprout on the tips of the tree branches. But it's still Winter, and before the growth really starts to sprout, a freeze hits. All that beautiful new life dies and falls to the ground, and there is no fruit in the summer. The trees have spent all the energy they had on the first bloom, and the little flowers never get the chance to bud into little green apples and peaches that grow into life-giving sustenance.

Our culture is always in a rush. We don't like winter... we don't like darkness or pain or long cold nights. We try to "suck it up" or "be strong for him/her/them". But times of difficulty are necessary for growth, and if we make our way to the warmth of spring too early, we miss out on the true purpose of Winter: To provide time to heal, rest, and remember the blessing of the warmth of the sun and the life it brings.

I hope that this blog post is encouraging to those of you who are in the midst of a cold, harsh winter right now. There is importance in processing through your grief, depression, difficult life situation, or healing in the place that you are in right now. It's OK to be in a state of Winter. And it's important to have people around you who know that you are in that state right now. We cannot survive the cold in complete isolation while we try to convince those around us that we are in Spring. Otherwise, we form beautiful blossoms that are intended to turn into succulent fruit, and instead freeze and fall to the frozen ground. All of life moves in seasons. Some winters are longer and colder than others, but Spring is on its way. And it's worth the process of Winter. So learn to embrace the cold in your life so that when the warmth comes, it brings with it all the glory of sustained new life!

It's About a Relationship

"It's all about relationship, not religion." 

If you attend church today, I can almost guarantee that you've heard this cliche spouted about a hundred thousand times.The first thing that went through my head when I first heard that must have been something like "Yeah! I like the idea of having a relationship with God. I know that he is a loving God, so why wouldn't I want a relationship, over following rules from a book or a pulpit?". And that was that. I'm sure most of us Christians have a similar first experience with those words.  It's one of those sentences that I find myself agreeing with in my gut, pushing to the back of my brain as words to live by, and never processing fully. 

Life goes on, people get married acquire kids and mortgages, go to church on Sunday, sometimes read our Bible and everything seems fine, or even better than fine. Until life hits a low: our marriage falls apart, we can't afford our bills, our kid has to go to the ER because they shoved a penny up their nose, emergency surgery and the bills keep coming in, the car breaks down. So we turn to God, and we can't help but feel like we don't know who he is. 

So much for a relationship. Sometimes, it feels as though God isn't even there. With the exception of the time we could have sworn we felt him at that one retreat, or the occasional great message last Sunday, or in that one particular worship song. That's not how I want to experience God. When I agreed with the idea of a relationship with God, I didn't mean a relationship like a distant father who's only there when he's not too busy with work, who ducks out of my life when things get rocky. That's the kind of relationship that causes holes in my identity, not one that strengthens it. So we get to this place where it feels like God isn't there and we wonder if the religion would have been better than the relationship. 

It feels wrong to admit that this relationship with God isn't what I wanted.

What I'm about to say is really important. God doesn't want that kind of relationship either. Take a second to read that again.

Lately I've been reading through Genesis. It's funny how I always just read through it as the story of creation and the beginning of sin. Much like that cliche sentence, I have always just agreed with it on the surface, pushed it back into the back of my brain, and never processed it fully. Genesis is not just the story of creation. It is the story of how God originally designed us as human beings; his original plan for relationship with us, and the beginning of a separation of that intimacy. In Genesis, God literally walked side by side with Adam and Eve. He had such intimacy with them that they didn't even realize that they were naked. They had absolutely no shame. They were his and he was theirs to such an extent, that they didn't even have a basic comprehension of good or evil or even that they existed. They just lived knowing who God is completely and being satisfied with his provision. They know him in all that he is. They trust him in all that they are. They never worry about anything. They just are who they were created to be.

So how does that compare to my relationship with God? Side by side, my relationship to God looks nothing like that. 

Here's how relationship with God plays out in my life. When things are going well in life, I pat myself of the back. I look at the hard work I've done and congratulate myself. And it's easy to look at God and give him the finger guns and a wink and say "Hey buddy. Things are going great. I got this. Thanks for coming to my game to support my win!" When things are in the middle, I tend to think, "I feel like I should spend more time with God, but I'm busy. Okay, let's be honest, I'm not busy I'm just lazy. God was there for my star game, he's still hanging around here somewhere to support me. I just saw him the other day at church. I'm good for now." 

And then life gets bad. It is at this point that I feel like I need God. Like REALLY need him. Here we are back to then second paragraph. I am at this place where it feels like God isn't there and I start to wonder if the religion would have been better than the relationship. I start to doubt that God even wants a relationship with me in the first place. I remember seeing him at my big game, but I told him to just sit in the bleachers and cheer for me. I remember seeing him on Sundays on stage and feeling like it was good enough. But I don't remember what it feels like to feel like he's close. I start to doubt that he even wants to be close. And that doubt only leads to one of two conclusions: 

1. God doesn't want a relationship with me because he's vindictive, judgmental, and all around unloving. He's distant and prefers to just sit back and see how things play out.

2. God just doesn't want a relationship with me specifically because I'm not good enough.

Assuming that the life we've been experiencing so far is the relationship that God designed us for, those conclusions are correct. Let's backtrack for a second. Do you remember when I said that I pushed that nice sounding phrase from the beginning of this blog to the back of my brain and never fully processed it? Well, we are going to take a moment and process that phrase now.

"It's all about relationship, not religion." 

Here's the definition of relationship, according to the Webster dictionary. 

1:  the state of being related or interrelated <studied the relationship between the variables>2:  the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: such asa :  kinshipb :  a specific instance or type of kinship3a :  a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings <had a good relationship with his family>b :  a romantic or passionate attachment
I'm going to take a moment to be raw and admit that how I typically do life with God does not in the least resemble any part of that definition. Here I am wondering why it seems as though God is distant when things get difficult, and I when I look back, I realize that he's not even close when I'm winning in life. I've reserved a really confortable seat for him in the bleachers for when I'm winning, and an easy lazy position for him on stage at church for when I'm feeling flat. It's easy to accuse God of being a distant father when I never choose to let him close, in any stage of life. I wonder why I never hear his voice when I don't place him in ear shot. 
I want a relationship with God that is like Adam and Eve had in the beginning. I want to learn to trust God when things are amazing. I want to learn to choose him when things are blah. I want to learn to know him so well that I don't doubt his character when things get difficult. 
We so often settle for the kind of relationship where we ask for signs instead of real words. "Just wave from the bleachers, God! So I know you're still there." How good of a marriage would a couple have if they treat their relationship with each other like we treat our relationship with God?
"Leave the front door open if you want me to come in the house after work. Otherwise, I'll just assume you don't want me in the house and I'll sleep in the car." "Well, the door was closed, so I guess it's not meant to be." "Oh, it must me what my spouse wants because I asked him/her to leave the door open if they wanted me there."
"I really need to get a new TV, but I'm not sure if we have the finances. If you think I should start looking, just leave the front porch light on and I'll take it as a sign."
"I don't really want to hear you tell me not to stay out until 2am with my work friends, so I'm going to do it and if you don't like it, instead of speaking to me, you'll have to come find me and drag me away. That way I know for sure that it's what you want."
"Gee, I don't really know what my wife thinks about having kids. I've never heard her voice before, so I just have to guess."
That is ridiculous. No one in their right mind would call that a relationship. It's about time that we look at our "relationship" with God and consider if it can even be called a relationship at all! We aren't meant to have a distant knowledge of God as if he's a celebrity. We aren't meant to just read about him in the Bible and assume that it's as close as we are aloud to get. The Bible is a wonderful tool for learning who God is as a being, his character and much more. But without a real relationship with him, the Bible is just words. Words that are true, but without really knowing God, truth easily becomes "alternate truth". We are meant to talk to God, to hear his voice in many different ways, to spend genuine time with him, to walk next to him with such intimacy that we know him completely; that we are naked and completely known by him.
The way we currently do life with God is not satisfying. It is not life giving. I can say confidently that it is not what God intends for us. All you have to do is look deeper into the story of Adam and Eve. He designed us to trust him so deeply that we can walk completely naked in God's presence and trust him. So that we worship and adore him for his provision in the good times, we desire him with the utmost vigor when we feel flat-lined, and we go to him for comfort and with complete trust when things get difficult. 
So where to start? You already have. Your desire for an actual, genuine relationship with God is the beginning. Next, start spending time with him. Communication is a huge part of relationships. Start by praying, asking God to speak to you through the Bible to start with, write letters to God as if you are in a long distance relationship. Spending time in God's presence takes practice. You won't feel close to him at first. You may need to work through a lot of shame before you can stand naked in his presence. You may need to learn to listen better. You may have to relearn God's character before you trust his voice. You might have to learn about lies that you've believed about yourself or God before your relationship takes off. Just as in relationships with other people, intimacy takes time. It takes working through our baggage. 
Every aspect of a regular relationship here on earth applies to a relationship with God. You have to choose to spend time with him, learn to listen, discover his character, learn to recognize the characteristics of who he is, learn to be honest about yourself and how to feel and learn to hear and process how God feels. Go on coffee dates with God. Learn his sense of humor. Spend time with him and your closest friends. It takes intention. It takes time. Let me say that last part again. It takes time.
And finally, don't settle for anything less than full intimacy with Him, the way that he intended from the very beginning. 

Fighting the Christian Battle- What is Our Role in Spiritual Warfare?

Lately, with all the politics going on, I've heard a lot of people fighting to win battles against the enemy. I've heard more than one illusion to the idea that Hillary Clinton is evil, that the Democratic platform undermines the Christian belief. There's a desperate grasp at nominating a Republican president, no matter what the cost. Because we must win the battle against evil. We have all heard the popular Christian phrase, "We are fighting a spiritual battle!" And there is no other time that battle is in the air more than during election season.

Fighting a spiritual battle these days feels like losing a war. The number of people flocking out of churches these days is baffling, and our politics reflect many values that are counter to those of Christian faith. Which has lead me to ponder this idea recently: What if we are fighting the battle wrong? We have a tendency to think that those who oppose us are our enemy, or even God's enemy. But maybe our real enemy has found the perfect strategy to use against us. Battles are won with strategy and deception. Maybe it's worth considering that our enemy has disguised our allies as the enemy in order to get us to battle with the ones that God intends bring into his army, or more so his family. Maybe, in our desperate attempts to do what we think is right and just, we are missing the voice of the commander who is telling us to let him be the one to call the shots. It's not a secret that we tend to let our shots fly, and they don't seem to do anything to hurt our enemy. Instead, Christians have the reputation of being unloving, controversial, closed minded and unjust.

This morning, my pastor said this statement that really struck me.

"We will not have an attitude of us against them. That's ridiculous. They are the kids of the Father, they just haven't met Him yet." 

-Pastor Greg Sanders (Vintage City Church- Fort Collins, CO) 

If God is pursuing every person and drawing them close to him, then why do we feel that spiritual battle means fighting the people that God loves like a child? Greg Sander's words today were a reminder to me that our enemy is not the people who are lost around us, but the one who fights to keep them lost. 

So what would it look like for Christians to fight against the enemy instead of the people being used by the enemy? God has a reputation of doing things his way, and his way often sounds insane. Jesus told us that the most important thing that we must do is love God. And the second most important thing we must do is love each other. It is not a suggestion, it is a command. The greatest command. It is the most important command in spiritual battle. Which means that in order to fight this war, we must choose to love the ones around us in the way that God has called us to.

Do you remember the name of the tree with the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden? It is the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Eve was not wrong to believe that there was something that she was missing. When she ate that fruit, her eyes were opened to understand good and evil, aka justice. That's not to say that justice is wrong, but our desire to be the one to enforce it is. God is a God of justice, and that war was already won on the cross. But we have a tendency to think that we have to be the ones to do something about what we see that is wrong. The truth is, we are not designed to do something about what we see as wrong. We do not see good and evil the way God does, and we often do not see how God is addressing it until it is dealt with. But somehow, we still seem to think that we are the ones who have to fix this world in the way that we see fit, and we even have the tenacity to think that our actions are endorsed by God, as if he's not able to enforce justice himself. We are not called to a war of justice, but a war of love. Because, although we do not always see how, justice has already been dealt with. Therefore, we do not need to fight our culture to bring God's justice into our country. We need to fight the enemy to bring God's love into our country.

Choosing love is not as easy as it sounds. Because loving people like God loves us means that we don't get to love them from our own selves. We don't get to choose to be unloving because of our sense of justice. It's not something that God has given us the capability or permission to do. That is why we have to love God first. Because it is only though that love that we are given the ability to love others. So what would our country look like if we fight for love instead of fighting for justice?

When we learn to leave our sense of justice at the door, it means that...

We do not get to judge or dictate someone's sexual identity or choices. We get to choose to love them for the child of that father that God says they are.

We do not get to condemn someone for terminating a pregnancy. We get to create a safe place for them to process the emotional roller coaster of dealing with the responsibility of another life.

We do not get to call politicians evil. We get to pray that the Lord will show them wisdom.

And much much more.

We do not get to tell people that they should be required by law to follow what God says is right. We get to love them despite our difference in belief. We get to invite them into our family. We get to be the ones who love them better than they have ever been loved, because through us, they are loved by God the Father. And that is how we fight in the warfare of the Spiritual. Our role as soldiers is to learn to love God's children the way he loves them, and let him deal with what is right and wrong in the world.

Who is God?

What a huge question to conquer in one little blog. The question of who God is has been spinning around in the brains of millions of people for millions of years. It's a question that we try to answer from the little ones at Sunday-school age, to adults with more complex inquiries that form identity and life philosophy.

But I'm not here to answer that question today. I'm here to ask it.

"Who is God?" is the question of my life right now. I remember very distinctly being told exactly who God is by my Sunday-school teachers. Being a very agreeable child, I never questioned it. And to be quite honest, I still do not. I have experienced a lot of who God is in my life. A lot more than many, and He has been so generous with revealing himself to me.  What I was taught when I was a little girl is not by any means wrong. God is mighty, he is strong, he is loving, he is full of grace, he will pay any cost to protect the ones he loves against the one who wars against his children. All of those things are true characteristics of God. But the question I have goes beyond that. I know that all those characteristics are who God is, but who is he to me? This struggle of late is difficult to place into words.

Consider this metaphor. I know who Barack Obama is. I know what he stands for, I know his face, I know his voice, and I've studied up and am well versed on where his morals stand on many issues. I have seen how he deals with political situations and crises. But do I know him like his daughter knows him? Do I know what he wants for Christmas, or where he keeps his suits, or the way he kisses his wife? Do I know the feeling of his warm hug, or what it feels like to be comforted by him when I'm heart broken? Do I know what he desires in a husband for me, or what he desires for my future? Do I know what it is to be loved by him as a daughter? This is the way that I am asking "Who is God?". 

There is a phrase that is going around the Christian culture that goes something like this: We are no longer to live in slavery, but to act as children of the King. When the president is busy at work, and his daughter is dealing with a struggle, she does not have to go through security to talk to her father. She does not have to get clearance to meet the president. She does not have to dress up nice or refer to him as "Mr. President". She lives in his house. She walks on his floors. She calls him Daddy. And when she is in need of comfort, she can walk straight into his office in the middle of the day in her pajamas and cry on his lap.

I've lived much of my spiritual life with God in a relationship not far off of my current relationship to the President. I know his voice. I know what he stands for. I know his character. I keep a running tab of the things that he has done to improve the life of those he governs. But I am only recently learning to embrace him like a father.

I have always thought that I knew God. I feel blessed that I have always been able to hear his voice, and even over the last five or six years, I've grown to have a relationship with him similar to that of a close friend. I don't feel like I need to dress up to be in his presence, and I do hear his voice quite directly in my life. I have grown a lot as a young adult in that aspect of my relationship with the Lord. But it is not until recently that I even realized that the Lord intends to bring our relationship even deeper still. It's not until recently that I even realized that there was more to know about God, and this is how I came to that realization.

Lately, the Lord has been asking me to stay home from church. Some people find it hard to be motivated to go. I am not one of those people. It's not that I'm self righteous about it. I won't judge if that is something that is difficult for you. In fact, my own husband has a hard time with Church because of his extremely introverted nature. I have always thrived in church. I love the music. I love taking notes. I love being around people. I love experiencing God in a group environment. And at the same time, there is an element of fear that plays into it, which I was totally unaware of until God pulled me out of weekly services. I have struggled for my whole life, and not even been aware of the struggle. I am afraid of how people will see me. I'm afraid of people thinking that I'm not following the Lord. I'm afraid of loosing friends. I'm afraid of missing out on something big. The ironic piece of it all is that, by attending church with those fears in my heart, I missed out on something even bigger than the music, the notes, the friends... I missed out on God. Or at least, the part of God that he has always intended for me to see.

This is why the Lord asked me to stay home. There is a depth to the relationship between a father and his daughter that goes beyond any other relationship, and that depth comes from a profound sense of trust. I have been pondering the reason why going to church was a bad thing for me. It's not that regular attendance is bad. In fact, I went through a period of time where the Lord was calling me to be obedient in attending every single week. I believe that a big part of the problem is that I've grown to believe that God only shows himself within the walls of the church. Not that he doesn't speak into our lives outside of weekly services, but that God only shows himself in the best way on Sundays. Maybe that is why I bought into the lie that I would miss something big if I didn't go. I didn't trust God to do anything big with just plain ol' me by myself, because I didn't see myself as his daughter. And if I am just an acquaintance to God, how else would I experience something big except when I'm invited to a social gathering? What I've come to realize recently is that it makes God's heart ache with longing. He asked me to stay home so that I could spend some one on one time with him. He was tired of seeing his daughter at social gatherings, and missing that important deeper father/daughter relational bond.

And the craziest part of it all is that it started with an act of trust. Sometimes, we are living in a state of fear that we are not even aware of, and He calls us out of a place that we don't even know we are in. And that fear doesn't seem all that bad until the Lord asks us to be obedient in something that doesn't make sense to us. The fear begins to swell up in our throat and it feels like this suffocating fear comes out of nowhere. "Why am I afraid to stay home from church when I know it's God who asking me to do so?" I had no idea that those fears were in my heart, and it was not until I stepped into obedience that I realized what he has for me, and what I am lacking without it. I've recently come to realize how much I don't know God. Not like I thought I did. I was missing out on the depth of relationship that he has for me because of my choice to be obedient with my actions, but not with my heart. A choice that I wasn't even aware that I was making.

All of my life, I have been really good at being obedient with my actions, because I can see why God is asking me to do something. But when it comes to my heart, I have no eyes to see what the Lord is doing. I've come to learn over the last year or so that the Lord doesn't care for an obedient pair of legs with a disobedient heart.  And most often, my heart is disobedient because of my fear of what I can't see in front of me. I'm realizing that my legs have a tendency to follow my heart. I may be able to steer them in one direction, but if my fearful heart is somewhere else, they will always come back to the direction of my heart. My legs were trudging to service weekly in obedience to what *I thought* the Lord was calling me to, while my heart was ignoring the calling of the Lord to be a daughter instead of a citizen.

So who is God? I feel as though I am an orphan child who has grown up in foster care my whole life. I've always had an idea of who God is as a father, but always let the fear in my heart get in the way of letting him go there. I thought I knew God, because I knew his character and his voice. But what I knew was not even a page from a single book of the library that is who God is. I don't have any expectation that I will ever fully know who God is. But I will wrestle with this question at this stage in my spiritual life as I learn how to trust God the King as my Daddy.

The Church is Whore

If you have been attending church as long as I have, chances are, you've felt hurt by the church before. And if you haven't been hurt, eventually you will be.

A few years ago, I was hurt by the church. The kind of pain like when you wake up with an  immense sinus infection, having had a head ache for weeks but blaming it on allergies or a cold. At some point I began to realize that my church was not perfect and that it was full of people in all of their mistakes and sinful ways of doing things. And it hurt. I was betrayed by the nasty underbelly of the church that I grew up in. I found myself surrounded with practices that I had just written off as not a big deal, or thinking that God would convict the pastor of his wrong doings in time. But as the church went though a financial strain, I began to see how the leadership's lack of trust in God played out in manipulating the congregation for more money, pouring guilt over those who volunteered, and firing any leaders who disagreed with the "vision" of where the church was going. And I found myself angry with the church.

So I asked God to explain this insanity to me, and this is what he said.

First of all, God is not the church. The church is the bride of Christ. We often find it difficult to separate the two. We think that when the church is greedy, God is greedy. When the church is unloving, God is unloving. When the church is full of anger and condemnation, God is full of anger and condemnation. But God is none of those things. God is divine. The church is divinely called. The church is given into the hands of men and women to manage. And sometimes, the managers don't step in line with the intention that God has for the church, or the character of who God is.

This is what the Lord told me next.

This is the story of Hosea, who was a prophet who loved the Lord deeply. One day, the Lord told him to go and marry a woman from the temple who was a prostitute. Keep in mind that in those days, to marry meant to give your virginity to your husband. And a man would not marry a woman who was not a virgin. Women could not have a job, so unless they had a husband to take care of them, their choice was to be a prostitute or beg for money. For Hosea to marry a prostitute would have been unheard of. But, despite it being a vastly unpopular thing to do in that time, Hosea listened to the Lord and went and married a prostitute named Gomar, who bore him a son. And Hosea loved Gomar with an undying affection that (I can only imagine) Gomar felt unworthy of. Here she was, with a husband who chose to pursue her when she was by all cultural definitions, unworthy of love. Not only that, but she had a child to carry on her lineage. And yet, time and time again Gomar left Hosea and her family and went back to the temple to sell her body.

Why? Why would Gomar go back to the temple again and again? Why would she trade a life of joy and affection for an empty life of selling her body? The answer is this. Gomar was called into something bigger than herself. Something bigger than her sense of worth. Even bigger than her culture's view of her worth. But Gomar was still living in the identity of someone who deserves to live as a prostitute, as someone not worthy of a husband and family.

This is the story of the church. 

The Lord is called to love his church, and to bring her into her worth as the bride of Christ, who is to birth his presence into the world. But sometimes the church gets caught up in the identity that it finds in the world. We get stuck thinking that the Church is only valuable if it fits into the world's worth system. And it gets stuck in living in the fear of the world knowing who we really are and what we're really worth. All because we, as a church body, are afraid that God will see us for what we really are and tell us to go back to the life we lived before. Here's the deal... the Lord is not fooled by our attempts to cover our identity. He know who we are. He know who we have been, and he calls us to step into a new identity as his bride. And he will never ask us to go back to the temple, because we are called into his family.

So here is where I landed on all of this.

The church sometimes acts like a whore. It will go through stages of mistrust in the Lord, and it will be brought back to the temple again and again. And when you forget that the church is not Christ himself, but the bride of Christ, you can make the all-too-common mistake of thinking that God is causing hurt and pain, when it is in fact the church that has caused you the pain that you are feeling. 

The second thing I learned is that Christ will always pursue his bride. He will go back to the temple again and again and snatch up his wife whom he adores, no matter if she just slept with greed, fear, unkindness, anger or any other. And he will remind her of her identity, no matter how much she cheats on him. He will remind her of her worth in him, and not of her worth in her culture. The hardest part of this is coming to the realization that if Christ loves his bride, despite her acting like a whore, we must then choose to love her too.

This last point is the most important point of all.

First of all, if you have been hurt by the church, it is vital that you bring your grievances to the Lord. Remember that he is the loving husband who always brings his wife home. And if he cares so deeply for a group of people, how much more deeply does he care for you? The Lord desires to heal your hurts so that they do not come back up with every church that you visit. His heart longs to see healing in your life. And he wants you to adore his wife in the same way that he does! So if you find yourself identifying closely with this paragraph, pray that the Lord will give you his heart for his bride.

Secondly, I want to remind you that all churches will go back to the temple, and the Lord will go after them to bring them home. But not all church bodies allow the Lord to bring them back. There are churches that refuse to be brought home from the temple. The church is a place where you find peace, rest and joy. And that comes in trusting the Lord fully. When a church chooses not to trust the Lord, their identity is not being shaped by who the Lord says that they are, but who the world says they are. If you find yourself in a church that finds identity in the world, and does not allow the Lord to speak identity over it, you are no longer obligated to that church. 

So here is a statement directly intended for those of you who find yourselves in a church like that. I believe that the Lord gives us spiritual authority, so in the name of Jesus I release you from the obligation to stay in that church community. The Lord has better things for you now. And if you just got chills reading that, this message is for you. You were waiting patiently in pain and agony, hoping to hear the Lord's direction. Well this is it. The Lord will bring his bride back, but he will not force her to live in his house. 

So here's the summery. The Church is not Christ, she is the bride of Christ. Sometimes the Church is a whore, but the Lord pursues her and always strives to bring her into the identity that he calls her to. When we are hurt by the church, we must pray that the Lord gives us his affection for his bride. And lastly, if you are in a church that refuses to come home to the loving- identity building arms of Christ, you have no obligation to stay there. 

What Does it Mean to Have Wisdom?

Wisdom is not a word that gets thrown around a lot these days.
We want to be smart. We want to be attractive. We want to be likable or "have what it takes" to excel in whatever it is that we desire. It's not often that we hear someone say that their long term life goal is to be wise. 

When I was 11 years old, that's what I wanted. Many of you have read my blog before and know that I grew up in a Christian household, so it's not a surprise to hear that at that age, I prayed and asked God for something. Admittedly, most 11 year olds ask for a toy, a best friend, a different set of siblings (you get the picture). But I didn't. I asked for wisdom. 

In all honesty, I don't know why I did it. I don't remember having some big revolutionary thought. There was no big catastrophic event that spurred a request like that on. I just remember hearing the story of Solomon and having a desire to follow his example. I was too young to have any hesitations in asking God for something I desired. I didn't know that wisdom is something that you typically gain as an adult with experience. I can only describe my desire for wisdom at that age as something that God must have placed a desire for in my heart. And God blessed that desire and responded by saying yes. 

Here's what happened with Solomon. 
Solomon was the son of David. Now David had been one of the best kings that God's people had ever known. He was placed in authority by God himself, and ruled after God's own heart. This lead to countless battles one, and peace among the Nation of Israel. And despite Solomon being the second oldest son, God had chosen him to be King after David would pass. 

Solomon's response was to offer the Lord one thousand burnt offerings. In response, the Lord had appeared to Solomon and said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give to you." (2 Chronicles 1:7).  And Solomon asked for wisdom. 

So why is it that, of all the things he could have asked for, Solomon asked for wisdom? It says it best in 2 Chronicles 1:11-12. God's response was this:  “Since this is your heart’s desire and you have not asked for wealth, possessions or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you." Solomon could have asked for anything, but his heart desired wisdom far more than anything else. 

Here's the reason why I believe that wisdom is such as important attribute to have as a Christian. Solomon's desire, above all else, was to walk into what Christ had called him to, and do be a good steward of what was put in front of him. There's something here that I believe is very easy to miss. Solomon understood a key concept that we, in our American Christian culture, seem to miss. And here's what it is: 

My happiness is not the key to a joy filled life.  Having wealth, success, a big house or nice car, being respected in circles of people we admire, being victorious in our life battles, living a long healthy life... all of these things did not matter to Solomon. What did matter is that he was able to do what God had asked him to do to the best of his ability. That is what brings joy to life. 

Lets bring this story forward to today. It has been 13 years since I asked God for wisdom. I do not claim to be a wise person. In fact, me; in my own brain; by myself, would not be considered wise by any stretch of the imagination. I've had my moments, but I am a typical 24 year old young adult who generally has no idea what is going on in life. That's not to say that the Lord hasn't been faithful in his promise. He has given me countless opportunity to use wisdom. There's something really key to wisdom that the Lord has been teaching me over the last year, and it's this.

First, wisdom does not come from experience. Experience births knowledge, which is very important, but wisdom comes only from the Lord. He is the giver of all wisdom. And he gives it to those who have a desire to follow their calling as believers to build his kingdom. 

Second, accepting wisdom is a choice. In every situation we have to choice to listen to God's voice for wisdom. Sometimes we live in ignorance of his voice out of selfish disobedience. But sometimes, we just don't believe that God would actually choose to speak to us. And I will tell you now that God speaks to all those who choose to listen. The idea that God hasn't or won't speak to his children is a lie, and I encourage all those who believe that lie to seek God's voice. Find a mentor who you know already hears His voice and stop living in a lie!

Third, after hearing wisdom from the Lord, you must choose to obey. Obedience is the most difficult part of a relationship with God. It takes a lot of trust to choose to obey when other choices seem easy. Trust me when I say that obedience is the single most difficult choice that you have to make over and over again as a follower of Christ. The most difficult part of being obedient is that in doing so, you choose to let the Lord work every little infected crevasse of your heart into a healthy place. And lets just be honest and say that not only does that take humility, but it is also one of the most painful things that we have to go through. And even when we choose to be obedient, we still mess up and have to back track, which can feel really discouraging. But I can say, from personal experience, that there is nothing better than the beauty in relationship that comes from obedience. And without obedience, we grow far from hearing the voice of God, and therefore, loose all connection to hearing the wisdom that he has for us. 

Do you ever look at the world and wonder why it's so messed up? I'm only 24 years old. I don't claim to be wise on my own. But the more I stretch my legs out into the world of adulthood, the more discouraged I seem to get with the world, with people and mostly with the Church. Maybe what the world needs now is not just love. Love is so important, don't get me wrong. It is at the center of who God is on a fundamental level. But when God calls leaders into positions of power, he requires not just loving leaders, but wise leaders. Don't be deceived into believing that wisdom is not for you, just because you don't feel that he has called you into a position of power. You are royalty in the eyes of the Lord. You are a son or daughter of the King, and he has entrusted you with his Kingdom here on earth. As followers of Christ, we should all be seeking the wisdom that the Lord has for us and choosing to be obedient in that. 

A Love Letter

A Love Letter (Psalms 139)

Look deep into my heart and know everything about me.

Your awareness of me is so keen that you know every detail of my life; even when I sit or stand.

You look into my thoughts and I am unashamedly overwhelmed by your pursuit of intimacy with the deepest of me.

You watch my feet move to explore the surface of the earth; so are you aware of my quietest rest.

Your awareness of me is so keen that you see everything I do.

You hear my words before they spill from my mouth.

You go before me and lovingly guide me into your favor, and I am abundantly blessed by you and your lavish outpouring of affection. 

Your knowledge of me overwhelms, because your awareness of me is more than my awareness of myself.

And if I tried to run from you, you would pursue me because I am irreplaceable. 

If I fly in a rocket ship into space, you will pursue. 

If I dig the earth a cave, you will pursue. 

If I ride on the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the furthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me and your strength support me.

And I ask the darkness to cloak me in depression, but even in the darkness I cannot hide from your pursuit. 

Because to you, even the darkest dark shines bright as day, and you will always see me. 

When it comes to me, there is not a darkness that is dark enough to pierce through your affections.

You made every delicate, intricate part of my body. 

You knit every cell of my body together in my mother's womb 

and told each strand of DNA to do fulfill its purpose. 

And I can only express a joyful thanksgiving at the complexity of my body, 

My soul, 

My mind,

My emotions. 

How beautiful you have made me, how wonderfully created I am! 

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, 

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was ever born. 

My first conception was when you thought of me. 

Because you planned for my life before my existence was even a possibility. 

How precious are your thoughts about me.

Your thoughts about me are so numerous that a man could not live long enough to count them.

They outnumber the grains of sand on every beach and ocean floor!

And when I awaken from my dreams, you are there watching me sleep 

and dreaming about a life with me.

How beautiful would our love be together if there were no opposition; 

if all who despise our affections were removed from this life of passion and beauty?

All they do is misuse your words against me, 

to rise suspicions against your pure intensions for me. 

I despise them for twisting your loving words for me into an ugly lie!

Search my heart for the lies that I have believed from these who hate us, 

for the half truths that mangle the truth of who we are!

Test me anxious thoughts and reassure me of your dedication to me!

Point out the flaws in my understanding of who you are 

and who I am through you, 

and bring me into the Heaven that you have designed for me to live in with you right now.