Fighting the Christian Battle- What is Our Role in Spiritual Warfare?

Lately, with all the politics going on, I've heard a lot of people fighting to win battles against the enemy. I've heard more than one illusion to the idea that Hillary Clinton is evil, that the Democratic platform undermines the Christian belief. There's a desperate grasp at nominating a Republican president, no matter what the cost. Because we must win the battle against evil. We have all heard the popular Christian phrase, "We are fighting a spiritual battle!" And there is no other time that battle is in the air more than during election season.

Fighting a spiritual battle these days feels like losing a war. The number of people flocking out of churches these days is baffling, and our politics reflect many values that are counter to those of Christian faith. Which has lead me to ponder this idea recently: What if we are fighting the battle wrong? We have a tendency to think that those who oppose us are our enemy, or even God's enemy. But maybe our real enemy has found the perfect strategy to use against us. Battles are won with strategy and deception. Maybe it's worth considering that our enemy has disguised our allies as the enemy in order to get us to battle with the ones that God intends bring into his army, or more so his family. Maybe, in our desperate attempts to do what we think is right and just, we are missing the voice of the commander who is telling us to let him be the one to call the shots. It's not a secret that we tend to let our shots fly, and they don't seem to do anything to hurt our enemy. Instead, Christians have the reputation of being unloving, controversial, closed minded and unjust.

This morning, my pastor said this statement that really struck me.

"We will not have an attitude of us against them. That's ridiculous. They are the kids of the Father, they just haven't met Him yet." 

-Pastor Greg Sanders (Vintage City Church- Fort Collins, CO) 

If God is pursuing every person and drawing them close to him, then why do we feel that spiritual battle means fighting the people that God loves like a child? Greg Sander's words today were a reminder to me that our enemy is not the people who are lost around us, but the one who fights to keep them lost. 

So what would it look like for Christians to fight against the enemy instead of the people being used by the enemy? God has a reputation of doing things his way, and his way often sounds insane. Jesus told us that the most important thing that we must do is love God. And the second most important thing we must do is love each other. It is not a suggestion, it is a command. The greatest command. It is the most important command in spiritual battle. Which means that in order to fight this war, we must choose to love the ones around us in the way that God has called us to.

Do you remember the name of the tree with the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden? It is the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Eve was not wrong to believe that there was something that she was missing. When she ate that fruit, her eyes were opened to understand good and evil, aka justice. That's not to say that justice is wrong, but our desire to be the one to enforce it is. God is a God of justice, and that war was already won on the cross. But we have a tendency to think that we have to be the ones to do something about what we see that is wrong. The truth is, we are not designed to do something about what we see as wrong. We do not see good and evil the way God does, and we often do not see how God is addressing it until it is dealt with. But somehow, we still seem to think that we are the ones who have to fix this world in the way that we see fit, and we even have the tenacity to think that our actions are endorsed by God, as if he's not able to enforce justice himself. We are not called to a war of justice, but a war of love. Because, although we do not always see how, justice has already been dealt with. Therefore, we do not need to fight our culture to bring God's justice into our country. We need to fight the enemy to bring God's love into our country.

Choosing love is not as easy as it sounds. Because loving people like God loves us means that we don't get to love them from our own selves. We don't get to choose to be unloving because of our sense of justice. It's not something that God has given us the capability or permission to do. That is why we have to love God first. Because it is only though that love that we are given the ability to love others. So what would our country look like if we fight for love instead of fighting for justice?

When we learn to leave our sense of justice at the door, it means that...

We do not get to judge or dictate someone's sexual identity or choices. We get to choose to love them for the child of that father that God says they are.

We do not get to condemn someone for terminating a pregnancy. We get to create a safe place for them to process the emotional roller coaster of dealing with the responsibility of another life.

We do not get to call politicians evil. We get to pray that the Lord will show them wisdom.

And much much more.

We do not get to tell people that they should be required by law to follow what God says is right. We get to love them despite our difference in belief. We get to invite them into our family. We get to be the ones who love them better than they have ever been loved, because through us, they are loved by God the Father. And that is how we fight in the warfare of the Spiritual. Our role as soldiers is to learn to love God's children the way he loves them, and let him deal with what is right and wrong in the world.

Who is God?

What a huge question to conquer in one little blog. The question of who God is has been spinning around in the brains of millions of people for millions of years. It's a question that we try to answer from the little ones at Sunday-school age, to adults with more complex inquiries that form identity and life philosophy.

But I'm not here to answer that question today. I'm here to ask it.

"Who is God?" is the question of my life right now. I remember very distinctly being told exactly who God is by my Sunday-school teachers. Being a very agreeable child, I never questioned it. And to be quite honest, I still do not. I have experienced a lot of who God is in my life. A lot more than many, and He has been so generous with revealing himself to me.  What I was taught when I was a little girl is not by any means wrong. God is mighty, he is strong, he is loving, he is full of grace, he will pay any cost to protect the ones he loves against the one who wars against his children. All of those things are true characteristics of God. But the question I have goes beyond that. I know that all those characteristics are who God is, but who is he to me? This struggle of late is difficult to place into words.

Consider this metaphor. I know who Barack Obama is. I know what he stands for, I know his face, I know his voice, and I've studied up and am well versed on where his morals stand on many issues. I have seen how he deals with political situations and crises. But do I know him like his daughter knows him? Do I know what he wants for Christmas, or where he keeps his suits, or the way he kisses his wife? Do I know the feeling of his warm hug, or what it feels like to be comforted by him when I'm heart broken? Do I know what he desires in a husband for me, or what he desires for my future? Do I know what it is to be loved by him as a daughter? This is the way that I am asking "Who is God?". 

There is a phrase that is going around the Christian culture that goes something like this: We are no longer to live in slavery, but to act as children of the King. When the president is busy at work, and his daughter is dealing with a struggle, she does not have to go through security to talk to her father. She does not have to get clearance to meet the president. She does not have to dress up nice or refer to him as "Mr. President". She lives in his house. She walks on his floors. She calls him Daddy. And when she is in need of comfort, she can walk straight into his office in the middle of the day in her pajamas and cry on his lap.

I've lived much of my spiritual life with God in a relationship not far off of my current relationship to the President. I know his voice. I know what he stands for. I know his character. I keep a running tab of the things that he has done to improve the life of those he governs. But I am only recently learning to embrace him like a father.

I have always thought that I knew God. I feel blessed that I have always been able to hear his voice, and even over the last five or six years, I've grown to have a relationship with him similar to that of a close friend. I don't feel like I need to dress up to be in his presence, and I do hear his voice quite directly in my life. I have grown a lot as a young adult in that aspect of my relationship with the Lord. But it is not until recently that I even realized that the Lord intends to bring our relationship even deeper still. It's not until recently that I even realized that there was more to know about God, and this is how I came to that realization.

Lately, the Lord has been asking me to stay home from church. Some people find it hard to be motivated to go. I am not one of those people. It's not that I'm self righteous about it. I won't judge if that is something that is difficult for you. In fact, my own husband has a hard time with Church because of his extremely introverted nature. I have always thrived in church. I love the music. I love taking notes. I love being around people. I love experiencing God in a group environment. And at the same time, there is an element of fear that plays into it, which I was totally unaware of until God pulled me out of weekly services. I have struggled for my whole life, and not even been aware of the struggle. I am afraid of how people will see me. I'm afraid of people thinking that I'm not following the Lord. I'm afraid of loosing friends. I'm afraid of missing out on something big. The ironic piece of it all is that, by attending church with those fears in my heart, I missed out on something even bigger than the music, the notes, the friends... I missed out on God. Or at least, the part of God that he has always intended for me to see.

This is why the Lord asked me to stay home. There is a depth to the relationship between a father and his daughter that goes beyond any other relationship, and that depth comes from a profound sense of trust. I have been pondering the reason why going to church was a bad thing for me. It's not that regular attendance is bad. In fact, I went through a period of time where the Lord was calling me to be obedient in attending every single week. I believe that a big part of the problem is that I've grown to believe that God only shows himself within the walls of the church. Not that he doesn't speak into our lives outside of weekly services, but that God only shows himself in the best way on Sundays. Maybe that is why I bought into the lie that I would miss something big if I didn't go. I didn't trust God to do anything big with just plain ol' me by myself, because I didn't see myself as his daughter. And if I am just an acquaintance to God, how else would I experience something big except when I'm invited to a social gathering? What I've come to realize recently is that it makes God's heart ache with longing. He asked me to stay home so that I could spend some one on one time with him. He was tired of seeing his daughter at social gatherings, and missing that important deeper father/daughter relational bond.

And the craziest part of it all is that it started with an act of trust. Sometimes, we are living in a state of fear that we are not even aware of, and He calls us out of a place that we don't even know we are in. And that fear doesn't seem all that bad until the Lord asks us to be obedient in something that doesn't make sense to us. The fear begins to swell up in our throat and it feels like this suffocating fear comes out of nowhere. "Why am I afraid to stay home from church when I know it's God who asking me to do so?" I had no idea that those fears were in my heart, and it was not until I stepped into obedience that I realized what he has for me, and what I am lacking without it. I've recently come to realize how much I don't know God. Not like I thought I did. I was missing out on the depth of relationship that he has for me because of my choice to be obedient with my actions, but not with my heart. A choice that I wasn't even aware that I was making.

All of my life, I have been really good at being obedient with my actions, because I can see why God is asking me to do something. But when it comes to my heart, I have no eyes to see what the Lord is doing. I've come to learn over the last year or so that the Lord doesn't care for an obedient pair of legs with a disobedient heart.  And most often, my heart is disobedient because of my fear of what I can't see in front of me. I'm realizing that my legs have a tendency to follow my heart. I may be able to steer them in one direction, but if my fearful heart is somewhere else, they will always come back to the direction of my heart. My legs were trudging to service weekly in obedience to what *I thought* the Lord was calling me to, while my heart was ignoring the calling of the Lord to be a daughter instead of a citizen.

So who is God? I feel as though I am an orphan child who has grown up in foster care my whole life. I've always had an idea of who God is as a father, but always let the fear in my heart get in the way of letting him go there. I thought I knew God, because I knew his character and his voice. But what I knew was not even a page from a single book of the library that is who God is. I don't have any expectation that I will ever fully know who God is. But I will wrestle with this question at this stage in my spiritual life as I learn how to trust God the King as my Daddy.

The Church is Whore

If you have been attending church as long as I have, chances are, you've felt hurt by the church before. And if you haven't been hurt, eventually you will be.

A few years ago, I was hurt by the church. The kind of pain like when you wake up with an  immense sinus infection, having had a head ache for weeks but blaming it on allergies or a cold. At some point I began to realize that my church was not perfect and that it was full of people in all of their mistakes and sinful ways of doing things. And it hurt. I was betrayed by the nasty underbelly of the church that I grew up in. I found myself surrounded with practices that I had just written off as not a big deal, or thinking that God would convict the pastor of his wrong doings in time. But as the church went though a financial strain, I began to see how the leadership's lack of trust in God played out in manipulating the congregation for more money, pouring guilt over those who volunteered, and firing any leaders who disagreed with the "vision" of where the church was going. And I found myself angry with the church.

So I asked God to explain this insanity to me, and this is what he said.

First of all, God is not the church. The church is the bride of Christ. We often find it difficult to separate the two. We think that when the church is greedy, God is greedy. When the church is unloving, God is unloving. When the church is full of anger and condemnation, God is full of anger and condemnation. But God is none of those things. God is divine. The church is divinely called. The church is given into the hands of men and women to manage. And sometimes, the managers don't step in line with the intention that God has for the church, or the character of who God is.

This is what the Lord told me next.

This is the story of Hosea, who was a prophet who loved the Lord deeply. One day, the Lord told him to go and marry a woman from the temple who was a prostitute. Keep in mind that in those days, to marry meant to give your virginity to your husband. And a man would not marry a woman who was not a virgin. Women could not have a job, so unless they had a husband to take care of them, their choice was to be a prostitute or beg for money. For Hosea to marry a prostitute would have been unheard of. But, despite it being a vastly unpopular thing to do in that time, Hosea listened to the Lord and went and married a prostitute named Gomar, who bore him a son. And Hosea loved Gomar with an undying affection that (I can only imagine) Gomar felt unworthy of. Here she was, with a husband who chose to pursue her when she was by all cultural definitions, unworthy of love. Not only that, but she had a child to carry on her lineage. And yet, time and time again Gomar left Hosea and her family and went back to the temple to sell her body.

Why? Why would Gomar go back to the temple again and again? Why would she trade a life of joy and affection for an empty life of selling her body? The answer is this. Gomar was called into something bigger than herself. Something bigger than her sense of worth. Even bigger than her culture's view of her worth. But Gomar was still living in the identity of someone who deserves to live as a prostitute, as someone not worthy of a husband and family.

This is the story of the church. 

The Lord is called to love his church, and to bring her into her worth as the bride of Christ, who is to birth his presence into the world. But sometimes the church gets caught up in the identity that it finds in the world. We get stuck thinking that the Church is only valuable if it fits into the world's worth system. And it gets stuck in living in the fear of the world knowing who we really are and what we're really worth. All because we, as a church body, are afraid that God will see us for what we really are and tell us to go back to the life we lived before. Here's the deal... the Lord is not fooled by our attempts to cover our identity. He know who we are. He know who we have been, and he calls us to step into a new identity as his bride. And he will never ask us to go back to the temple, because we are called into his family.

So here is where I landed on all of this.

The church sometimes acts like a whore. It will go through stages of mistrust in the Lord, and it will be brought back to the temple again and again. And when you forget that the church is not Christ himself, but the bride of Christ, you can make the all-too-common mistake of thinking that God is causing hurt and pain, when it is in fact the church that has caused you the pain that you are feeling. 

The second thing I learned is that Christ will always pursue his bride. He will go back to the temple again and again and snatch up his wife whom he adores, no matter if she just slept with greed, fear, unkindness, anger or any other. And he will remind her of her identity, no matter how much she cheats on him. He will remind her of her worth in him, and not of her worth in her culture. The hardest part of this is coming to the realization that if Christ loves his bride, despite her acting like a whore, we must then choose to love her too.

This last point is the most important point of all.

First of all, if you have been hurt by the church, it is vital that you bring your grievances to the Lord. Remember that he is the loving husband who always brings his wife home. And if he cares so deeply for a group of people, how much more deeply does he care for you? The Lord desires to heal your hurts so that they do not come back up with every church that you visit. His heart longs to see healing in your life. And he wants you to adore his wife in the same way that he does! So if you find yourself identifying closely with this paragraph, pray that the Lord will give you his heart for his bride.

Secondly, I want to remind you that all churches will go back to the temple, and the Lord will go after them to bring them home. But not all church bodies allow the Lord to bring them back. There are churches that refuse to be brought home from the temple. The church is a place where you find peace, rest and joy. And that comes in trusting the Lord fully. When a church chooses not to trust the Lord, their identity is not being shaped by who the Lord says that they are, but who the world says they are. If you find yourself in a church that finds identity in the world, and does not allow the Lord to speak identity over it, you are no longer obligated to that church. 

So here is a statement directly intended for those of you who find yourselves in a church like that. I believe that the Lord gives us spiritual authority, so in the name of Jesus I release you from the obligation to stay in that church community. The Lord has better things for you now. And if you just got chills reading that, this message is for you. You were waiting patiently in pain and agony, hoping to hear the Lord's direction. Well this is it. The Lord will bring his bride back, but he will not force her to live in his house. 

So here's the summery. The Church is not Christ, she is the bride of Christ. Sometimes the Church is a whore, but the Lord pursues her and always strives to bring her into the identity that he calls her to. When we are hurt by the church, we must pray that the Lord gives us his affection for his bride. And lastly, if you are in a church that refuses to come home to the loving- identity building arms of Christ, you have no obligation to stay there. 

What Does it Mean to Have Wisdom?

Wisdom is not a word that gets thrown around a lot these days.
We want to be smart. We want to be attractive. We want to be likable or "have what it takes" to excel in whatever it is that we desire. It's not often that we hear someone say that their long term life goal is to be wise. 

When I was 11 years old, that's what I wanted. Many of you have read my blog before and know that I grew up in a Christian household, so it's not a surprise to hear that at that age, I prayed and asked God for something. Admittedly, most 11 year olds ask for a toy, a best friend, a different set of siblings (you get the picture). But I didn't. I asked for wisdom. 

In all honesty, I don't know why I did it. I don't remember having some big revolutionary thought. There was no big catastrophic event that spurred a request like that on. I just remember hearing the story of Solomon and having a desire to follow his example. I was too young to have any hesitations in asking God for something I desired. I didn't know that wisdom is something that you typically gain as an adult with experience. I can only describe my desire for wisdom at that age as something that God must have placed a desire for in my heart. And God blessed that desire and responded by saying yes. 

Here's what happened with Solomon. 
Solomon was the son of David. Now David had been one of the best kings that God's people had ever known. He was placed in authority by God himself, and ruled after God's own heart. This lead to countless battles one, and peace among the Nation of Israel. And despite Solomon being the second oldest son, God had chosen him to be King after David would pass. 

Solomon's response was to offer the Lord one thousand burnt offerings. In response, the Lord had appeared to Solomon and said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give to you." (2 Chronicles 1:7).  And Solomon asked for wisdom. 

So why is it that, of all the things he could have asked for, Solomon asked for wisdom? It says it best in 2 Chronicles 1:11-12. God's response was this:  “Since this is your heart’s desire and you have not asked for wealth, possessions or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you." Solomon could have asked for anything, but his heart desired wisdom far more than anything else. 

Here's the reason why I believe that wisdom is such as important attribute to have as a Christian. Solomon's desire, above all else, was to walk into what Christ had called him to, and do be a good steward of what was put in front of him. There's something here that I believe is very easy to miss. Solomon understood a key concept that we, in our American Christian culture, seem to miss. And here's what it is: 

My happiness is not the key to a joy filled life.  Having wealth, success, a big house or nice car, being respected in circles of people we admire, being victorious in our life battles, living a long healthy life... all of these things did not matter to Solomon. What did matter is that he was able to do what God had asked him to do to the best of his ability. That is what brings joy to life. 

Lets bring this story forward to today. It has been 13 years since I asked God for wisdom. I do not claim to be a wise person. In fact, me; in my own brain; by myself, would not be considered wise by any stretch of the imagination. I've had my moments, but I am a typical 24 year old young adult who generally has no idea what is going on in life. That's not to say that the Lord hasn't been faithful in his promise. He has given me countless opportunity to use wisdom. There's something really key to wisdom that the Lord has been teaching me over the last year, and it's this.

First, wisdom does not come from experience. Experience births knowledge, which is very important, but wisdom comes only from the Lord. He is the giver of all wisdom. And he gives it to those who have a desire to follow their calling as believers to build his kingdom. 

Second, accepting wisdom is a choice. In every situation we have to choice to listen to God's voice for wisdom. Sometimes we live in ignorance of his voice out of selfish disobedience. But sometimes, we just don't believe that God would actually choose to speak to us. And I will tell you now that God speaks to all those who choose to listen. The idea that God hasn't or won't speak to his children is a lie, and I encourage all those who believe that lie to seek God's voice. Find a mentor who you know already hears His voice and stop living in a lie!

Third, after hearing wisdom from the Lord, you must choose to obey. Obedience is the most difficult part of a relationship with God. It takes a lot of trust to choose to obey when other choices seem easy. Trust me when I say that obedience is the single most difficult choice that you have to make over and over again as a follower of Christ. The most difficult part of being obedient is that in doing so, you choose to let the Lord work every little infected crevasse of your heart into a healthy place. And lets just be honest and say that not only does that take humility, but it is also one of the most painful things that we have to go through. And even when we choose to be obedient, we still mess up and have to back track, which can feel really discouraging. But I can say, from personal experience, that there is nothing better than the beauty in relationship that comes from obedience. And without obedience, we grow far from hearing the voice of God, and therefore, loose all connection to hearing the wisdom that he has for us. 

Do you ever look at the world and wonder why it's so messed up? I'm only 24 years old. I don't claim to be wise on my own. But the more I stretch my legs out into the world of adulthood, the more discouraged I seem to get with the world, with people and mostly with the Church. Maybe what the world needs now is not just love. Love is so important, don't get me wrong. It is at the center of who God is on a fundamental level. But when God calls leaders into positions of power, he requires not just loving leaders, but wise leaders. Don't be deceived into believing that wisdom is not for you, just because you don't feel that he has called you into a position of power. You are royalty in the eyes of the Lord. You are a son or daughter of the King, and he has entrusted you with his Kingdom here on earth. As followers of Christ, we should all be seeking the wisdom that the Lord has for us and choosing to be obedient in that. 

A Love Letter

A Love Letter (Psalms 139)

Look deep into my heart and know everything about me.

Your awareness of me is so keen that you know every detail of my life; even when I sit or stand.

You look into my thoughts and I am unashamedly overwhelmed by your pursuit of intimacy with the deepest of me.

You watch my feet move to explore the surface of the earth; so are you aware of my quietest rest.

Your awareness of me is so keen that you see everything I do.

You hear my words before they spill from my mouth.

You go before me and lovingly guide me into your favor, and I am abundantly blessed by you and your lavish outpouring of affection. 

Your knowledge of me overwhelms, because your awareness of me is more than my awareness of myself.

And if I tried to run from you, you would pursue me because I am irreplaceable. 

If I fly in a rocket ship into space, you will pursue. 

If I dig the earth a cave, you will pursue. 

If I ride on the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the furthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me and your strength support me.

And I ask the darkness to cloak me in depression, but even in the darkness I cannot hide from your pursuit. 

Because to you, even the darkest dark shines bright as day, and you will always see me. 

When it comes to me, there is not a darkness that is dark enough to pierce through your affections.

You made every delicate, intricate part of my body. 

You knit every cell of my body together in my mother's womb 

and told each strand of DNA to do fulfill its purpose. 

And I can only express a joyful thanksgiving at the complexity of my body, 

My soul, 

My mind,

My emotions. 

How beautiful you have made me, how wonderfully created I am! 

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, 

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was ever born. 

My first conception was when you thought of me. 

Because you planned for my life before my existence was even a possibility. 

How precious are your thoughts about me.

Your thoughts about me are so numerous that a man could not live long enough to count them.

They outnumber the grains of sand on every beach and ocean floor!

And when I awaken from my dreams, you are there watching me sleep 

and dreaming about a life with me.

How beautiful would our love be together if there were no opposition; 

if all who despise our affections were removed from this life of passion and beauty?

All they do is misuse your words against me, 

to rise suspicions against your pure intensions for me. 

I despise them for twisting your loving words for me into an ugly lie!

Search my heart for the lies that I have believed from these who hate us, 

for the half truths that mangle the truth of who we are!

Test me anxious thoughts and reassure me of your dedication to me!

Point out the flaws in my understanding of who you are 

and who I am through you, 

and bring me into the Heaven that you have designed for me to live in with you right now.

Religion, not Just Relationship

I have often heard in Christian circles the phrase proclaimed that "We want a relationship, not a religion!" 

I am an artist and a musician. I will be the first to tell you that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love well, and I love deeply. I care for people I hardly know in ways that they will never be aware of. So when I am asked what my favorite Bible story is, I don't think twice before saying the story of King David. My heart naturally connects to his kind hearted nature, and his adoration to God that is so strong that he would forsake all manors of respect as a King to praise God by dancing in the streets! When I think of who in all of the Bible is a model for a great relationship with God that goes beyond religion, without a doubt the first person I think of is David. He was "a man after God's own heart". Which is why Psalm 119 struck me as odd.

17 

Psalm 119:17-24

Be good to your servant,

    that I may live and obey your word.

18 

Open my eyes to see

    the wonderful truths in your instructions.

19 

I am only a foreigner in the land.

    Don’t hide your commands from me!

20 

I am always overwhelmed

    with a desire for your regulations.

21 

You rebuke the arrogant;

    those who wander from your commands are cursed.

22 

Don’t let them scorn and insult me,

    for I have obeyed your laws.

23 

Even princes sit and speak against me,

    but I will meditate on your decrees.

24 

Your laws please me;

    they give me wise advice.

If David was the ultimate example of a man who desired a relationship with the Lord, being a man after God's own heart, then how does God's law fit into this picture? 

What part of God's hear do we miss out on by forsaking religion for relationship? And what if the best of relationships with God includes some aspect of religion?

The story of Sasha

There was a little girl that I used to know named Sasha. Her parents loved her dearly. They had tried for years to have a baby and had conceived several times and lost all their children. So when Sasha was born, she was even more special to them. She was their prized jewel of countless worth, and when she was born, they made a vow to her to give her the best life they could possible offer. As she grew, she was lathered in gifts of toys, beautiful dresses, and they even created a space for her to explore her hobbies in anything from art to science to woodworking. They gave her everything and only asked for affection in return. 

They loved her so much that they had a hard time saying no. She got whatever she wanted, and she adored her parents, but she began to expect that she could do whatever she pleased and never experience consequences. She began to feel entitled to everything, with the expectation that her parents would clean up after. She believed that it's just what parents did because it was the way that it always was. And despite having everything, Sasha began to be unhappy. She began to feel that no matter what things she had, she could never feel fulfilled. Her parents began to get weary of dealing with their child's spoiled nature and concerned with her unhappiness, and so they went to a professional who specialized in parenting techniques. 

The specialist told the parents that Sasha was unhappy because there was no structure in her life. She was unsure of her parents expectations because they never differentiated between right and wrong. She felt unsure of where the boundaries were so she would push buttons until her loving parents snapped. She would do these things because she longed for boundaries that were never put in place. 

So how does Sasha's story fit into God's story with us?

The problem with Sasha's parents giving her everything with no responsibilities is that we were created to have boundaries and responsibilities. Without them, we push buttons until we find the line to cross. 

It is worth looking at the other side as well. If Sasha's parents had raised her to follow the rules to a tee and not once expressed their affection for her, the poor girl would have grown up believing that the only way to gain affection is through doing the correct chores in the correct order the correct way. A good parent loves to lavish affection on their child!

Perhaps David was on to something when he asked the Lord to not hide his commands from him. From before sin was even in the picture, God gave us rules to follow and responsibilities to fulfill. Adam was given the job of giving identity to all the animals before he was even aware of sin. Eve was given the responsibility of supporting his work. Both were given the boundaries of the Garden of Eden to live in, and a responsibility to gather food, but to stay away from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Maybe we miss out on something beautiful with God when we say, "I just want God to love me. Forget about religion!" 

I sometimes wonder if we are afraid of the rules that God put in place. We see other believers live lives in bondage to the rule instead of freedom through them. It just seems easier to believe that God only meant for those rules to apply to people before Jesus, and since we are saved by grace, we don't need those rules anymore. We are afraid that we will be outcast by our culture for being closed minded if we think that those rules are still intended for us. Maybe we don't understand the God of the Old Testament, so we separate that God from the God we know. But maybe that God is more loving than we ever though. Maybe those rules are what allow us to live in God's Kingdom on earth. Maybe we need those boundaries in our lives to live how God intended us to live. Maybe God wants to love us better through religion and relationship in perfect harmony.

"Religion is a Great Way to Develop Your Morals"

Sometimes, in the midst of conversation, I have moments where something catches me. Not in a way where I feel disarmed or offended, but in that same way that your nail snags on a thread of your shirt when a burr needs to be filed off.

This last week I was at a new friend's house. My husband and I had gone over after church to help with yard work, and since most of the yard work was muscle man duty, I stayed inside and chatted with my new friend. We got to talking about religion and God. We mostly discussed church.

We talked about my own personal connection to church and the necessity for those connections in my personal life. We talked about my husband, who has a much more private and intimate relationship with God, and who is so loving and supporting to go with me every week to a social event where God is less intimate and more communal. We talked about how my friend had attended a church when she was a kid and laughed about how the pastors had tried to convince her parents to baptize her when she was nine. She said something along the lines of how "religion is a great way to develop your morals."

That's the burr. This week I've been pondering that concept. Why did that strike me? It's not that the sentence is false. The Bible, the Quran, the Book of Mormon, the Shruti, Dhammapada and every other religious text are all books of morality. The Bible is definitely a book that outlines morality, but if that's all there is to it, what makes the Christian god any different than any other religious god or figure?

This is why that sentence truck me: if I believe that religion is good for is living a moral life and that's it, I don't need God. It's time to fess up. We all have a conscience. We all have a natural understanding of what is right or wrong, and we all have the choice to follow that leaning or not. We know when we choose not to follow our morals that there are consequences, whether externally or internally. If Christians are reading the Bible for the sake of bettering ourselves, we may as well give up on Christianity and follow our God given conscience. I know plenty of people who have done that.

Here's where it gets real. I believe that there is more to Christianity than being moral. There is more to all of this religion thing than being moral, which is scary when it comes right down to it. I am going to go off on a tangent for a moment here, but come with me and it will all tie back.

I want you to close your eyes and imagine this scenario for a moment. (Well, don't close your eyes really or you won't be able to read.) You are a child. You went into your parents room to look at your favorite decorative vase that is always on their night stand. You know you are not aloud to touch it, but it's beautiful. Ornate. Expensive, though money means little to you because you are not yet at an age where you have any wants or needs that are not provided for. You gently run your fingers over the red and orange flower pattern, and across the smooth baby blue glaze, completely oblivious to the cost of the fragile artwork. Your dad comes home from work, and as you hear the front door close, you start, your hand jerks, the vase falls and shatters. It is unrecoverable. You are devastated. You knew you were not aloud to touch the vase. You had been told over and over not to touch it, but you did anyways. And although your morals were present, you still disobeyed. And whether you get punished, or your parents choose to ignore your disobedience, the vase is still broken. There is no recovery.

Your dad walks into the room, looks at you and looks at the vase and is instantly aware of the situation. And he has a moment of deep sorrow. Because that beautiful piece of perfection can never be enjoyed again. And what's more, it was a family heirloom worth thousands of dollars that was to be passed down to you as an inheritance to be enjoyed by your future family, or sold as a downpayment on a house, or passed along to future generations. He is fully aware of your choice to disobey the words that he had told you over and over again, and that the consequences of your actions are beyond what you can even comprehend as a child. You have no concept of what thousands of dollars even means, or what harm to your future your actions have caused. He has every right to be angry with you, but more than anything, he is saddened by the fact that his intension for a beautiful piece of your life had just been shattered into a hundred pieces.  

You see, having morals is important, but the truth is that none of us are very good at following them most of the time. No matter how hard we try, no matter how good we look, we all feel it on the inside, that our decisions do not reflect what we know is right nearly all of the time. Having morals is not enough to keep us from shattering our inheritance.

You brace yourself to be yelled at. You can feel the beating or grounding or whatever punishment that is about to happen. You imagine every possible scenario of what your dad could and should do to you, and cringe because you know that none of the situations that play out in your head are harsh enough punishment for what you just did. The look of disappointment on your dad's face is worse than you have ever seen. He silently crosses the room, grabs your hand without a word, and leads you out the door to the car. He points to the door as if to tell you to get in and buckle up. He starts the engine, and puts the car in reverse and heads down the road. "This is it" you think. "He is going to leave me in a field far away from here and I am going to have to learn how to survive on my own." He pulls into a parking space in downtown and instructs you to get out of the car and follow him. He takes your hand and leads you into a store right in front of the parking space. This is it. He is going to sell you to the shop owner to work as a slave for the rest of your life. He points to something on the highest shelf and asks the clerk, "Do you have anything better than that?". The clerk looks at him with confusion on his face, looks your dad up and down, and goes into the back. A few moments pass of suspense and you hear the clerk talking to the store owner. The owner emerges from the back, exchanges a few hushed words with your dad and goes back into the back. He emerges with something large and wrapped up in a box with thick packing. Your dad peaks into the box and asks you to wait in the car.

When he gets to the car, he places a large box in the back seat, and proceeds to drive home. When you get home, he sits you on the couch to talk. With a pained look in his eye, he reminds you that you were not permitted to touch the vase. He explains to you that the vase was worth a lot of money, that it was very old, and that you were the one who was going to inherit it someday. But now the vase is broken and is not worth a penny. He tells you that because you disobeyed his instructions, you will be grounded from TV for a month. And then he tells you that he forgives you. He tells you that he loves you, and in fact, he loves you so much that he got something for you. He points to the box.

You slowly pull back the corners of the box and carefully unwrap a heavy, smooth object. It is a vase. A vase that is even more beautiful than the one before, with a design that is more complex and marvelous than you ever thought was possible. Your dad tells you that he loves you so much that he bought you a new vase, a new inheritance. And that this vase is worth even more than the first one. He tells you that he loves you so much that he was willing to pay any price to see that you get the inheritance you were promised, even though you were the one who was responsible for its end. And then he cups you up into his big strong arms and tells you over and over how much he adores you.

Here is the point of me telling you this story: Developing morals is essential to living a happy life, but we still mess things up. We still choose to touch the vase and eventually end up knocking it over. People who live moral lives still get shattered inside. Sometimes we have our lives shattered by others because of their decisions. Religion has to be more than just a set of moral standards, because we don't always choose to follow them, and we don't have a choice when other people shatter our lives. No matter what, we all have a shattered inheritance in one way or another.  But God adores me. He adores you. He loves us each so much that he bought a new inheritance for us, and it is even more beautiful than the old one, because it was purchased out of love instead of handed down out of birth right.

For me, this way of thinking brings new understanding to what it means to be a Christian. I mess up a lot. I broke my inheritance a long time ago, and God purchased me a new one. This knowledge informs my decisions and my life in a whole new way. I don't have to try to do better just because I know what is moral, I want to do better because my dad wrote a big check, out of pure affection for me, for an inheritance that I am proud to receive from a father who loves me so so much.